The Adventures of Muscle Man Jungus Bungus
by MightyCopernicus
Summary: Doctor Who finally dies and is replaced by a new worthy opponent. Follow Muscle Man Jungus Bungus on his heroic journey of excellence and his fight against nerd culture as he saves the world one flex at a time.
1. The New Doctor Who Fucks Everything Up

The Doctor Who walked into his magic blue phone booth and said the magic words. "HOO BABA KANDA!"

The phone booth shot into the air and exploded.

Five minutes later a new Doctor Who appeared in another body. He came out of the gotdam sky like in the Terminator. The new man was another generic white dude but with terrifyingly huge muscles named "Muscle Man Jungus Bungus."

The new Doctor fucking threw a huge boulder into the sky that almost hit the Queen of England.

"Holy shit boyo that almost mcfucking bashed me head in it did." the Queen yelled.

"Fuck you!" yelled the Doctor, who clearly did not have a PHD or medical license.

He jumped into another blue phone booth because there was about four of them on one street corner. The phone both flew into the air and straight into space. Muscle Man Jungus Bungus died because he needed oxygen to breathe.


	2. Question of Time

Muscle Man Jungus Bungus emerged from the rubble of the destroyed blue phone box.

He would not die that easily. He would live and fight. But what he was fighting for he did not know, because he couldn't watch the Doctor Who television show without losing his mind from the painful boredom he felt. He'd always stop watching 5 minutes in to move on to much cooler activities, such as lifting weights, watching a sport game, eating nachos, or doing all the above at the same time.

Muscle Man Jungus Bungus decided in the end that he would keep the world safe from aliens and time monsters, because that seemed to be the most logical thing to do.

He said in his usual, manly voice, "Siri, show me how to time travel in the phone box!"

Siri replied, "CHIMICHANGAS!" so the new Doctor Who ran into the nearest box and said "CHIMIGHANGAS" as loud as he could. Soon he found himself in a jungle, and in front of him was 10 dinosaurs, all of which Jungus Bungus beat up with his powerful fists.

When he was finished he returned to the box and came back home safely, only to find out he was in Harry Potter land with the school of magic and wizards and shit. That one talking hat thing was there too, and it was ugly as sin.

Muscle Man Jungus Bungus fell to his knees and wept bitterly. He had altered time, and now the world was in a dark, terrible place. He was paying the consequences for not being careful in his travels. He had set in motion a butterfly-effect that he wasn't sure he could reverse. The world he loved and knew was gone, and was now a place void of great, cool things like American football and nachos.

He knew he had to fix this. But could he really fix a mess as big as this?


	3. The Yellow Brick Roadies

Muscle Man Jungus Bungus was lifting weights while pondering how to fix the once beautiful world.

Go back in time and stop himself from time traveling? That seemed like the most logical thing to do, but it might also destroy the space time continuum if he were to make contact with himself from an alternative timeline.

Just tell himself what to do and avoid physical contact? Impossible! Jungus Bungus knew himself too well. It would be impossible to avoid challenging himself to the ultimate fistfight.

There just had to be another way!

That's when Muscle Man Jungus Bungus remembered the Yellow Brick Road that leads to the palace of the Queen of England. Perhaps she could help Jungus Bungus restore natural order in the world, and even help him find a way back to California.

It was a long shot, but he had to try.

* * *

In no time, Jungus Bungus found the Yellow Brick road through Google Maps. He ran down the road at a fair pace, because he knew skipping was for nerds.

On his way he found one of those robot things from the Doctor Who show being mugged by David Beckham. A Dalek, whom he would call Dick for short. Muscle Man sprang into heroic action and yelled "Soccer isn't a _real_ SPORT anymore!" and he threw David Beckham into the fucking sun.

"You look like you could use a gun!" said Jungus Bungus. "If you want lil' man, you can come with me to see the Queen of England and ask her for a gun!"

"Beep boop beep." said the Dalek.

So Jungus Bungus grabbed the robot abomination and ran even faster, determined to return peace to the world, go back home to California, and get his new companion a gun.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the palace of the Queen...

"I say," remarked the Queen of England glaring into one of them magic aesthetic crystal balls that could project Jungus Bungus on his heroic journey, "It's that fuckin' twit bastard who almost mcfuckin' bashed me head in!"

She still wasn't about to let that one go. She did almost get killed by this man, so she was pretty convinced that he was not a good guy.

"I gotta defend the Palace! Butler! Bring me them boys!"


	4. Jungus in the Sky with Diamonds

Muscle Man Jungus Bungus and his new companion, Dick, walked for what felt like hours. However, Jungus Bungus was not discouraged because he could see the Queen's palace on a mountain top from a distance not too far away.

"Well lil' dude, it seems our journey's hiatus has ended," said Jungus.

"Boop beep-"

Dick was cut off mid-sentence by the sounds of rumbling in some nearby bushes. From the bushes emerged the Queen's hired goons snapping their fingers like some old timey Fonz gang. It was the Beebles... featuring Paul "Nut" McCatty, John Lemons, Harrison Ford Fusion, and Rango Starchild.

"Beep beep, oh shit!" exclaimed Dick.

"Oi, we is the Beebles, and we'z here to give ya a fine smashing!" said Nut pulling a crowbar from behind his back.

Muscle Man refused to be threatened by a band that would never be as good as the Spice Girls. He picked up an entire fucking tree out of the ground, like roots and everything, and used it like a baseball bat to launched the Beebles into orbit!

"Bop beep bob, sick moves, Bungus." said Dick in his generic robot voice, "if I were not but a machine, I would totally be high-fiving you. Beep boop."

Jungus knew he had to hurry to the Queen, before any other English nerd bands tried to get a piece of him. So to help the story progress faster, Muscle Man Jungus Bungus grabbed his robot friend and began to run at full speed to the Queen's palace! At this pace, Google Maps predicted they would arrive at their destination in 13.8 minutes.


End file.
